Curry Fish Ball 咖哩魚蛋 (gaa lei jyu daan)

These little guys are pretty easy to find around town. When you walk down a food stall-laden street in Hong Kong and smell something tasty, it is likely the scent of the gaa lei jyu daan or Hong Kong fish balls bathed in yellow curry. These fragrant, flavourful balls of fish paste floating in an oily, golden curry soup can’t help but catch a longing glance from all who pass. Expect to pay HK$10 or less for a heaping bowl.

Where: Fishball Man 魚蛋佬 (Hung Hom) – Cheung Chau Fish Balls 甘永泰魚蛋 (Cheung Chau) – Tung Tat Food Shop 通達食店 (Mong Kok)

Egg Tart 蛋撻 (daan taat)

The ever-popular daan taats are something similar to an English custard tart, but heavier on the egg. The crumby exterior crust is filled with a creamy, rich, egg custard filling that can then baked to a golden brown or left pristine yellow. Needless to say, most people buy these by the boxful (they’re usually around HK$8 for one). Don’t confuse these little guys with the egg tarts in other parts of China or Macau, each of these regions has their own unique take on the dessert, with Portuguese-style egg tarts loved in Macau also well-liked in Hong Kong.

Where: Tai Cheong Bakery 泰昌餅家 (Multiple locations) – Gold Garden Cafe 金園茶餐廳 (Cheung Sha Wan) – Bakehouse (Multiple locations)

Egg Waffle 雞蛋仔 (gai daan zai)

This has to be my personal favourite snack. Made from a mixture akin to the typical western pancake or waffle batter, gai daan zai is a hexagonal waffle mat of puffy, bubble-shaped bits! When crafted correctly, the bubbles should be crunchy on the outside and just-so gooey on the inside – it is an art. The original is served up as is, but gai daan zai adulterated with chocolate, matcha, cheese, and even avocado have started to become popular around town in the last few years. The classic bubble waffle usually costs around HK$20, with the fancier versions costing up to HK$30.

Where: Hung Hom Pancake 紅磡雞蛋仔 (Hung Hom) – Master Low-Key Food Shop 低調高手大街小食 (Multiple locations) – Lee Keung Kee North Point Egg Waffles 利強記北角雞蛋仔 (Multiple locations)

Faux Shark Fin Soup 碗仔翅 (wun zai ci)

Fake Shark’s Fin Soup is a classic on the streets of Hong Kong. Originally in the 1940s, street vendors used actual shark’s fin leftovers and bits of meat from restaurant broths. By the 1960s, they started swapping shark’s fin for mung bean vermicelli, making the dish more accessible and even more popular. Today’s version is packed with vermicelli, edible mushrooms, kelps, seaweeds, bean sprouts, bamboo shoots, and beaten eggs, mimicking the traditional soup. To serve, just sprinkle some white pepper and drizzle red vinegar on top for that extra burst of flavour.

Where: Block 18 Doggie’s Noodle 十八座狗仔粉 (Multiple locations) – Marble Noodle 孖寶車仔麵 (Kwai Fong) – 粉果佬 (Kwun Tong)

Fried Pork Intestine 炸豬大腸 (zaa zyu daai coeng)

In this city, it is waste not, want not (when it comes to pigs) with a popular dish derived from seemingly every extremity. As unappealing as it may sound, jaa jyu cheung is one of the most famous street snacks in Hong Kong! With pig intestine that has been rolled up, deep-fried, and stuck on a stick for ease of consumption, this bacon-like treat is usually accompanied by a sauce or two of your choice for HK$12 to HK15.

Where: 多寶美食 (Prince Edward) – Delicious Food Shop 美味食店 (Prince Edward) – Tai Wai Snacks 大圍小食 (Tai Wai)

Hong Kong-Style Milk Tea 奶茶 (naai caa)

Bending the food rules of what constitutes ‘street food’ a bit here to include another of my personal faves, HK style milk tea. Exactly as it sounds, this drink is a mixture of black tea with either condensed or evaporated milk, and if you like, a bit of white sugar. The beauty is in the simplicity. This drink is iconic to this city and consumed at any and all meals, but traditionally, lunch or afternoon tea. (Read more about popular Hong Kong drinks.) A cup of iced or hot milk tea can cost up to HK$12 if ordered individually or can come included with a set meal.

Where: Bing Kee Cha Dong 炳記茶檔 (Tai Hang) – Lan Fong Yuen 蘭芳園 (Central) – Shui Kee Coffee 瑞記咖啡(Sheung Wan)

Pineapple Bun 菠蘿包 (bo lo baau)

These golden, puffy buns are a particularly popular for breakfast but can also be grabbed from almost any local bakery or cha chaang teng for an on-the-go street snack for HK$5. Once again deceptively named, these sweet buns contain no pineapple! Bo lo bau get their name from the crunchy, sugary cap that sits atop the bun, giving a pineapple-like look to the rotund bun and are best served with a thick slice of cold butter in the middle.

Where: Kam Fung Restaurant 金鳳茶餐廳 (Wan Chai) – Kam Wah Café & Cake Shop 金華冰廳 (Mong Kok) – Cheung Hing Coffee Shop 祥興茶餐廳 (Happy Valley)

Pork Dumpling 燒賣 (siu mai)

Without a doubt one of the most common and popular street snacks around the city, siu mai is a delectable Chinese dumpling with local variations found all over China. However the one we are concerned with today is the Cantonese version. Traditionally, the siu mai from our local neighbourhood usually contains fish or meat paste with a little bit of pork, or no pork at all, and will be served with a stick, costing HK$10 to HK$15 for a bowl. Don’t forget to top it off with the sweet soy sauce & chilli oil!

Where: Hung Fook Tong 鴻福堂 (Multiple locations) – Keung Kee 強記美食 (Wan Chai) – ohmumsister餓媽家姐 (Tsim Sha Tsui)

Rice Noodle Roll 腸粉 (cheung fun)

Don’t be fooled by the Cantonese translation of this snack, which means pig intestine noodles, as this traditional street snack often contains no meat. This popular dish consists of tubular rolls of thin rice noodle sheets smothered in soy sauce and other toppings. Top tip: this snack is always a hit with the little ones!  However, keep in mind that if purchased in a dim sum restaurant, these rolls are often stuffed with some sort of beef or pork based filling. You’ll pay up to HK$30 at a restaurant and roughly half that at a street snack stall.

Where: Hop Yik Tai Snack Shop 合益泰小食 (Sham Shui Po) – 舊時光石磨腸粉 (Tsim Sha Tsui) – Kwan Kee 坤記腸粉 (Multiple locations)

Stinky Tofu 臭豆腐 (cau dau fu)

Really highlighting the ‘fragrant’ in Fragrant Harbour, stinky tofu might seem like one Hong Kong street food to avoid — especially once you smell it. But do not be too quick to judge this (excessively?) fermented friend, for it tastes much better than it smells. Hong Kong’s sticky tofu is most commonly fried (to leave a nice crunch and golden exterior) and served with chilli sauce. A bag of stinky tofu costs anywhere from HK$15 to HK$30.

Where: 多寶美食 (Prince Edward) – Delicious Food Shop 美味食店 (Prince Edward) – Tai Wai Snacks 大圍小食 (Tai Wai)

Three Fried Stuffed Treasures 煎釀三寶 (zin joeng saam bou)

Another street snack staple is Three Fried Stuffed Treasures. This classic snack features a trio of veggies: aubergine, bell pepper, and soya puff, all generously filled with marinated dace fish paste and then fried on an iron griddle until the edge get crispy. Ready to eat? Give them a dip in soy sauce, Worcestershire, or chilli sauce to kick up the flavour. They’re called “treasures” because each piece is served in sets of three and looking as stuffed as they can be! You can someitmes find this dish at a dai pai dong.

Where: Tung Hing 東興小食 (Tai Kok Tsui) – Jargor 1996 渣哥一九九六 (Kowloon Bay) – 百利來美食 (Yuen Long)

Tofu Pudding 豆腐花 (dau fu faa)

An extremely popular dessert in Hong Kong that is happily consumed all year round (icy cold in the summer and gently warm in the winter) is dou fu fa or tofu pudding. This delicacy is made from soft, silky tofu spooned from a huge container in thin slices and topped with condiments such as ginger sugar. Although it sounds simple, the temperature, texture, and flavour of the desert all need to be just so, making this one hard dish to perfect. One bowl will set you back just HK$15 to HK$20.

Where: Kung Wo Beancurd 公和荳品廠 (Sham Shui Po) – One Bean Curd Pudding Specialist 一豆花 (Multiple locations) – 亞玉豆腐花 (Multiple locations)

Virginia Chan, founder of Humid with a Chance of Fishballs Tours, is a tour guide by day and avid traveller by weekend. Virginia is a proud Vancouverite now in Hong Kong exploring all corners of Asia. She’s currently discovering her Asian roots – one flight, one noodle, and one Canto slang at a time. *slurp*

Header image credits: Leung Cho Pang via Canva

How do portions, eating routines & manners affect your diet?

I have Chinese food three times a week. You might wonder what dishes I include in my meal plan. The main carbohydrate source of my meals is rice, noodles or starchy vegetables such as corn, lotus, or sweet potatoes; Then I add a palm-size portion of pork, salmon, chicken or goose to fulfil my protein requirement; Finally, a thumb-size portion of good fats such as cheese and nuts. (You can replace rice with brown rice and digestible starches such as steamed squash, tofu, and sweet potatoes if rice is not an option for you. Make sure your meals contain the right amount of good carbs and calories.)

The best way to avoid hunger is to fuel up every 3–4 hours, and eat 4–5 meals within a twelve-hour eating window, with fruit, egg tarts or a hot cocktail of Hong Kong-style milk-tea as a snack.

When it comes to yum cha, although it’s hard to resist the yummy food served in the steamy bamboo basket (not to mention counting calories), try eating slowly and chewing slowly so you don’t overindulge. And my portion is limited to 10 pieces. In general, I prefer high-protein meat dishes like shrimp dumplings and fish meat wrapped in bell peppers. A dipping sauce like vinegar or chilli is great if you enjoy a kick in your life! 

What are the best food sources of Chinese cuisine?

The essence of life is food. Knowing where your food comes from is therefore very important. The stir-fry of Chinese kale and eggplant with minced pork are two of my favourite dishes. In the right amounts, stir-fry dishes cooked in avocado, olive oil, butter, and limited sodium can be perfectly healthy.

Pork is high in protein and rich in vitamins and minerals. With slow cooking, you can pair lean pork loin or tenderloin with eggplants, which are usually less calories and juicier than pork belly.

What are the best Chinese food combinations?

Carbs + Green

Choosing your dishes wisely will optimize your digestion and leave you feeling energized after eating. Some foods pair well with each other, while others don’t. 

In Chinese cuisine, here are some tasty side dishes to accompany rice: 

• Stir-Fried Cauliflower
• Choy sum with Garlic Sauce
• Stir-Fried Mushroom & Celery

Protein + Green

Ideally, protein and non-starchy green vegetables should go together in your meal. Avoid combining protein with rice or noodles. You might want to add a bit of boiled gai lan, broccoli or choy sum topped with oyster sauce or salt if your plate includes steamed chicken or char siu. Keep in mind green vegetables are a good friend with carbs and protein. 

• Sweet and Sour Fish 
• Tofu + Broccoli
• Stir-Fried Eggs and Tomatoes 

In the case of a 5-course meal that includes soup — which I do not recommend — you should make other dish choices carefully to avoid bloating or gaining weight.

What is the best way to exercise?

In addition to a proper diet and behaviour change, maintaining a healthy and fit lifestyle requires regular exercise. Whether you aim to lose weight or gain muscle mass, you should perform moderate to high intensity training and anaerobic exercises three to five times a week.

Eating TOO MUCH of anything will always lead to weight gain and chronic disease development. A diet can be very stressful — whether it’s the Paleo Diet or Ketogenic Diet, etc. I have tried them all. It worked for me and changed my body composition, but it is not sustainable, and it is not suitable for everyone. As long as you stick to unprocessed foods and eat the right amount of carbs, protein, and fat at each meal, you can still enjoy what you crave (in my case, Chinese food).

Cass Lam is a NASM and CrossFit-certified fitness & nutrition coach. Currently, she’s pursuing further studies in LIFESTYLE MEDICINE at Harvard Medicine School. An additional note, she’s a Sweaty Betty Ambassador to help increase its brand awareness and to bring the latest lifestyle / fashion / wellness trends to the HK community.

Follow Cass Lam’s health journey on her Instagram: @cassielammie

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credit: trusjom via Canva, Cass Lam

HK Chess

Combining their passion for board games with their love for their adopted home, the three founders of HK Chess came up with the unique Play The City Chessboard, which will inspire conversation as well as competition. Each piece represents an iconic aspect of Hong Kong: for example, the pawns are different trig points; the queens are in the shape of the HSBC Building; and the kings are I.M. Pei’s Bank of China Building. Made out of handcrafted ash wood with an oil finish, the board comes engraved with a Hong Kong map. From HK$1,988 for a 50cm x 50cm board, 32 pieces, and 60-page art book with insider secrets about the six featured landmarks.

Find them: Online store

Joint Dynamics

Whether they are reliving their glory days on the football pitch or pushing themselves at boot camp, dads might think they are superheroes but are as prone to aches and pains as the rest of us. Physiotherapists Joint Dynamics have come up with a Father’s Day Special (HK$1,288) that is sure to be a long-lasting Father’s Day gift. The package includes a one-hour sports or massage therapy session; a selection of essential skincare products from Australian brand Premax, which was developed by physical therapists for athletes; a Joint Dynamics resistance band; and a bonus item.

Find them: Website

Jude Bailey Design

Dads can never have too many pairs of cufflinks. This smart and stylish pair from jewellery designer Jude Bailey is a subtle reference to the place most of us call home. They come in silver with rhodium plating (to stop the silver tarnishing) and have a small cubic zirconium in each one for a bit of sparkle (HK$1,980). Reach out to them directly on WhatsApp if you think your dad would like some.

Find them: WhatsApp +852 9748 4567 (Mindy Tagliente)

Luscious Picnics

The sun is shining, the beaches are open… what better way to celebrate Father’s Day than an al fresco picnic? Discovery Bay-based Luscious Picnics has a range of themed packages, which include a picnic table and linen, blankets and cushions, fairy lights and table decor and a floral centrepiece plus all sorts of add-ons such as sunshades, Champagne, platters of fruit, charcuterie, cupcakes, and personalised touches. Book your date and location, then choose your package online, and the company will deliver and set up your Father’s Day present.

Find them: Facebook and Instagram

MikaRouge (50% off with promo code BESTDADHK)

The sleek Emiliano business bag from local brand MikaRouge is great for dads on the go. Crafted from vintage brown leather that gets better with age, it has compartments galore, interior pockets in various sizes, and space for documents and a laptop. Although the bags usually retail at HK$2,800, Mika Rouge is giving The HK HUB readers a 50% Father’s Day discount. Enter gift code “BESTDADHK” before you buy.

Find them: Online store

MiliMilu

Why not get practical gifts for dad? Local fashion brand MiliMilu (which means “LoveLove” in Latvian) offers sustainable and ethically made clothing for all the family. As a Father’s Day special, the company has come up with a range of organic cotton tees for dads (HK$340), with matching mini versions for kids (HK$230) and babies (HK$220). Why should mums have all the dressing-up fun?

Find them: Online store

Myteyehk

Passionate collector of locally made, vintage Hong Kong memorabilia dating pre-Handover, Tarlan Amigh regularly sells her treasures on her Instagram page MyTEyeHK. All sorts of quirky curios come up that would be perfect for dads, such as rare books about Hong Kong dating back to the 60s and 70s, ceramic dragons, and vintage patches. Be quick as her treasures are one of a kind and tend to get snapped up, but she can also source a specific gift for dad on request.

Find them: myteyehk and hongkongmadethis on Instagram

Paper-Roses

Paper-Roses’ founder and creative director Penny Creedon has a great selection of beautifully illustrated Hong Kong-themed cards, gifts, and goodies that are perfect for presents for dad. Organic cotton face masks featuring the Hong Kong skyline or the Star Ferry (HK$140 each) and public transport ceramic coasters (HK$180 for a set of three) are just some of the affordable options available.

Find them: Online store

Rockit ($100 off for first-timers with code ROCKIT100)

Sporty dads – or those aspiring to become sporty dads – might enjoy a session or two with one of Rockit’s freelance instructors. All you do is download the app, choose a sport – anything from golf to squash to wakeboarding – and connect with the instructor of your choice. You can try something new, brush up your fitness, or improve your game to suit your schedule without having to commit to regular sessions. Equipment and location are provided, and the app makes everything easy including scheduling and payment (from HK$350 per hour). First-time bookers get HK$100 off until the end of the year. Use the code “ROCKIT100” when you book.

Find there: Website

Style Standard (10% off with promo code HKHUB10)

Style Standard is all about giving men the tools they need to pull off a polished look without it taking too much time or effort. The meticulously curated site has everything from bow ties to shaving cream, making it a good one-stop shop for Father’s Day gift ideas. The Hong Kong-based business is offering readers of The HK HUB a 10% discount until the end of June (because they know how many last-minute gifts turn into late ones). Enter “HKHUB10” at checkout.

Find them: Online store

Sundara Collections

Whether your dad likes a beer on the beach or can’t function without a daily cappuccino, Sundara Collections’ insulated bottles and tumblers make great little Father’s Day presents without breaking the bank. The eco-friendly containers can be customised with names, messages, simple images, and Chinese characters, with the various options starting from HK$129. The 12oz ‘Best Dad’ tumbler in black with metallic blue can also be customised with your own message to make a sweet gift for dad.

Find them: Online store

Svim

Summer’s here so help your dad get beach ready with some fun and eye-catching swimwear. Svim has a fabulous collection of colourful printed swim shorts, which are all about giving the wearer (and anyone who sees them) joy. But they don’t just look good. The comfy mid-length shorts (HK$460) are planet-friendly and made of recycled polyester, created from 10 plastic bottles. (Your order will even come in water-soluble packaging in a Kraft box.) They are also lightweight and fast drying with a mesh lining, pockets and an elasticated waist with drawstring. Also available are swim briefs (HK$320), microfibre, sand-proof towels (HK$190), and Earth Warrior or Sea God beach caps made from soft organic cotton (HK$180).

Find them: Online store

Yulia Shautsukova Art

Hong Kong-based professional artist Yulia Shautsukova paints typical Hong Kong scenes so realistically that many of her pieces look almost like photos. Working in watercolours on paper or oils on canvas, she depicts urban life and iconic images. Think street markets, the Star Ferry, traditional junks and our fabulous skyline. HK$2,200 for a 13x17cm artwork in a 23x32cm frame.

Find them: Facebook and Instagram

Originally from London, England, Adele has lived and worked in Hong Kong as a journalist/editor for more than two decades. She was a full-time staff reporter at the South China Morning Post for six years and continues to contribute to the Sunday Post Magazine’s Design pages as well as copywrite for private clients. When she isn’t writing, Adele enjoys wild swimming expeditions in the New Territories, trying (usually unsuccessfully) to play golf and is an unpaid Uber driver to her three sporty teenagers.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: rimmabondarenko via Canva

In the 1970s, psychologist Herbert Freudenberger, coined the phrase ‘burnout’ to describe symptoms of exhaustion, frustration, and overloaded emotional circuits. According to him, it is the high cost of high achievement, and affects the best and the brightest of people.

Generally, people don’t notice they are heading towards a burnout. They feel stressed and expect that when they complete their work, the stress will go away. However, work is never completed, and stress never really goes away. There are more expectations and responsibilities. Those feelings of stress get worse over time, leading to a gradual decline into burnout zone. It is entering a mindset that is constantly taking a hit by the pressures of doing it all. As a result of multiple chronic stressors, the demand on the individual exceeds the ability to deal with externals.

What is burnout syndrome?

Some psychologists have described burnout as a progression that starts with stress and advances to clinical depression, and in some cases, death.

According to the WHO, burnout has been classified as an ‘occupational phenomenon’ resulting from chronic workplace stress. It is not a medical diagnosis, but burnout can lead to physical ailments. WHO’s description of burnout is to be applied to describe experiences in a single area of life – work.

However, there are no set boundaries to the modern workplace. The lines are blurred. Ever since the pandemic hit, many people work from their homes. The effects of burnout can easily spill over into personal life and relationships. Dealing with daily external pressures such as: aggressive managers, difficult coworkers, running a business, and responsibilities towards children and the elderly, can lead to exhaustion.

As days turn to weeks and months, working overtime and a heavy workload, plus feelings of guilt that family time is sacrificed, is a burden on an already drained individual.

Ekta Tejwani is the Founder of MeetMumz. An ex-Hong Kong resident, she is currently a Singapore-based entrepreneur. Having balanced many different roles in her life, she says. “There are always phases in a founder’s life when the work pressures overpower you and takes over everything. It happened to me this year.” Tejwani shared that as a mother, at times the pressures of managing the different roles became so overbearing that she felt it was wise to take a step back and reflect.

We are expected to be able to handle stress, and if we complain about it, we are considered as weak-willed. Often, people hide their exhaustion and put up a front that they are able to handle the pressures. They continue, dragging themselves through the day.

Signs that you’re experiencing burnout

Burnout means the brain has been overstimulated by all that we compel ourselves to do. We lose track of how exhaustion takes over our minds and bodies. This creates behavioral changes.

There are indicators of burnout; they can become severe if not checked. The subtle signs start out as feelings of not good enough, exacerbated with negative self-talk and perfectionism, which means placing extremely high standards on oneself. And a tendency to put more into the work than what one gets out of it. The following symptoms are all indicators of progressive burnout:

• Detachment from work;
• Cynicism about life;
• Lack of enthusiasm to meet friends or withdrawing from social activities;
• The need to prove oneself;
• Denying oneself rest or relaxation;
• Inability to change;
• Feelings of emptiness.

Where does mental exhaustion come from?

Occupational burnout

Our busyness culture encourages a hectic daily routine, such that if we are not doing something at every single moment of the day, we feel guilty of ‘wasting time.’ There is a stigma attached to burnout syndrome. If a person is overwhelmed or stressed by a workload, they take the blame and feel weak. And the burnout sufferer is afraid to ask for help, and often blames oneself.

The fact is that there is such a thing as a toxic workplace. Daily interactions with a difficult boss or inconsiderate managers or coworkers can be one of the causes of occupational burnout. Oftentimes, the individual feels that no matter what they do, they don’t make a difference. And they are afraid to share how they feel.

Emotional burnout

Emotional burnout happens when we experience a continuous pressure that has no end in sight. Individuals struggling with burnout feel numb, they just go through the motions of the day, putting up a positive front while internally there is no sense of positivity.

This usually happens when our job description requires forced pleasantries, or displays of cheerfulness and faking smiles while indulging in small talk. Maintaining an upbeat persona can be mentally taxing. It happens to many who have not had enough sleep, running on coffee, and trying to handle 12-hour shifts. Few seem to recognize the cost. Service workers, such as baristas, flight attendants, pilots, and those who are juggling two jobs, plus a family, are facing stressors constantly. During burnout the hardest person to please is oneself.

Pandemic burnout

In recent times, the uncertainty of life and crisis of living in fear of catching COVID has led to a different kind of burnout. Experts call it ‘decision fatigue’. There is so much change that it becomes mentally unsettling.

Disrupted school schedules, the unpredictable work routine, anxiety about sick family members. Even simple decisions as to how to order groceries, what to have for meals, handling children’s study schedules, updates on the pandemic, can all add up to stress. Pandemic burnout weighs heavily on the mind and body; the fact that life has changed to such an extent that one needs to adjust to a new kind of lifestyle.

Previously, a home was considered a sanctuary for rest, and winding down. Now, it has turned into a workplace, a school, and a ‘prison’ for the infected. These kinds of unknowns result in pandemic-specific burnout.

After decades of research, Dr. Christina Maslach, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley has revealed that burnout is not a mental illness, it is not an individual weakness, it is a human response to stress. The difference is that it gets triggered by external factors that are part of our daily life. She explains that work overload is not the only reason that can cause burnout. There are five other triggers:

• Lack of control over one’s choices;
• Absence of fairness;
• Failure of a community spirit;
• Insufficient rewards in terms of recognition or monetary gain;
• Value conflicts.

Maslach says that once a person can isolate the burnout trigger, the issue can be addressed to create a positive pivot.

Tejwani shared that the pressures of an early-stage startup, mom guilt, sometimes led her into an abyss, and the continuous efforts made to come out of it, drained her. “However, once priorities and non-negotiables come into the equation, the emotional drain, turned into empowerment.”

How to get out of burnout

We find that well-wishers or many online posts share ways and means to help with stress and burnout. These include suggestions to do yoga, meditation, go to wellness retreats, and try breathing exercises. While all these are meaningful, one burnout victim said that it is like putting a band-aid on a broken wrist. These tools can help after recovering from burnout, to maintain a balance in life. Often people find it hard to relax when their bodies are in burnout zone.

The way to start the step of relaxation is to first realize the trigger, and then to take progressive steps towards recovering from burnout.

Here are a few suggestions from experts:

1. Take a break. This means disconnecting from the specific stressor. (Read more about digital detox.)
2. Cut back on commitments. Recognize you cannot be there for everyone 24/7.
3. Be clear on priorities. Lessen the workload by sharing your burden with others.
4. Be willing to make some sacrifices. There will be less earnings, but more self-care. Health comes first.
5. Accept that not everything will be perfect. It’s okay to be not okay once in a while.
6. Slower progress leads to work-life balance. Taking time to enjoy small pleasures in life means able to take a deep breath, to enjoy a cuppa with a friend, go for a movie, and get more sleep.
7. Do something that’s creative. Writing, painting, or other creative pursuits will help.
8. Physical movement. Take a walk outdoors; the sounds of nature are soothing.

Tejwani added that, “Prioritizing brings a balance in life. I have realized that my success didn’t follow a single role, but rather a balance of mother/founder/self. In the end, it’s about narratives and redefining what success means to you.”

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: grinvalds via Canva

For example, what is the definition of weird? To me, the definition is just something which the majority are not used to seeing, but it does not have to be negative. Most people would be very offended if someone called them weird, abnormal, or unnatural. For me, another example would be that even very common problems like colour blindness, or diabetes, could be considered abnormal too, as most people can see the difference between many tones, and diabetes is a type of illness.

Many times, illnesses can be described as abnormal too, so having any illness or physical problem or being abnormal in any way does not have to be something horrible, scary, or shameful, and we can admit it if we need to. The word unnatural only means the opposite of natural, therefore, it can be neutral as well. When I was younger, I remember sometimes saying in front of others (mostly older adults), “I am weird, or abnormal” and the adults would remark, “You cannot say that about yourself!” Even though I understand that they had only wanted me to be more confident, I believe today, that to them I could be different but should not describe myself this way as it is negative.

The problem with romanticising strength

Also, the “hero culture” in many societies, or the culture of romanticising bravery/fearlessness can create many problems for some people. Each person has a different personality, some people are more fearless and can tackle adversity with a “fighter spirit” (spirit of never giving up). They are stronger and more able to handle any problem which they may have. Others are more positive, and there are people who have a “happy go lucky” or cheerful and easy-going attitude. These people are often more popular in society as the majority believe that being strong, fearless, having a fighter spirit, or being positive, means having the “correct” attitude. Society believes that these people are our role models, therefore, even though we have different personalities and are different, we should learn not to be fearful, timid, negative, or allow others to see that we are weak or admit that we are overwhelmed in difficult situations.

I have learned that we cannot compare ourselves with others and feel inferior or no good just because someone else can do something which we are not able to do. It does not mean that other people should respect us less. One of my examples is that some athletes are able to run 100 metres in 10 seconds or even less while some scientists or mathematicians are able to solve the most complicated formulae. Does it mean that others are no good because they are not able to do the same?

So, I believe that when it comes to people‘s personalities, the kind of spirit or attitude which they have, and whether they are able to face different problems, it is the same. Many people love hearing rags to riches stories and are inspired by how some successful people arrived at their high station in life from nothing in the beginning, or how some people selflessly turned around to help others after having walked a very difficult road themselves. I very much respect those people too, but believe that we cannot expect everyone to be a role model or hero as it is not possible. I think that one reason why most people find it so shameful to admit being weak, fearful, negative, or over sensitive, is because society has taught us that this is not something which we can accept. 

Also when I was younger, the people around me would often show me true stories or examples of how people who are much less fortunate, or have much more serious problems/illnesses/disabilities can still become successful by working hard. I understand that they had only wanted to encourage me to do better, but I only felt more frustrated and negative after listening to those stories. I often had the feeling that I could never be like them as I did not have this kind of personality or spirit, therefore I would think, or sometimes answer, that I cannot be like them, or that I am simply not as good as them. When I spoke to adults about my problems, or how I felt, I remember admitting that I am not as strong or brave as others, and then they would tell me, “ I think that you are quite brave, and quite a strong person too.” I know that they said this to encourage me as well. Thinking about this now, I still do not see myself as strong, brave, or positive, but believe that I have learned to accept, respect, and love myself, as I believe that I can still be a good person.

Experiences, free will, and mental health 

I had always disagreed with, and disliked the idea of many psychologists/psychiatrists, as well as some doctors, that abnormal thinking and all types of abnormal behaviour must be “corrected”. I agree that people with mental illnesses can often feel extremely frightened, depressed, or frustrated, and therefore need help from professionals. I also believe that the job of a psychologist or psychiatrist is to understand and help the patient to follow their own wishes, or dreams, and to be able to have the life that the patient wants. It should not be to help the patient have a life which the psychologist or others think is “normal” or “complete”. For example, if a patient very much wishes to have good relationships with others or have good friends, but is always worried about being cheated or hurt by the people they know and therefore is frustrated and unhappy, I believe that they need help. However, if a person fears, or is worried about something which they actually do not wish to have, then I do not think that this needs to be “cured”, or “corrected”.

No one should tell another person what types of experiences they should have, as no one can be sure what will make another person the happiest. When it comes to a person‘s own wishes, or how they wish to live, as long as they do not hurt anyone or offend others, we should respect their free will. The truth is that no person can have all the different life experiences. Therefore, if a psychologist tells a patient that they are not thinking “correctly” when the patient actually understands themselves, and knows their own wishes, it seriously harms the patient and does not make sense either.

I very much agree with these three quotations below by Søren Kierkegaard- a 19th century Danish existentialist philosopher, and Jean Paul Sartre- a 20th century French philosopher.

“Each individual- not reason, society, or religious orthodoxy- is solely tasked with giving meaning to life, and living it sincerely, and “authentically”. (Søren Kierkegaard)

“Subjectivity is truth” (Søren Kierkegaard) 

“Life has no meaning a priori, it is up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing, but the value that you choose”. (Jean Paul Sartre)

To me, the line “Subjectivity is truth” is sometimes true, as an experience is positive or negative to a person because of their own feelings, opinions and wishes. So, it would be meaningless to live, or have life experiences, just to be able to fit into society. In the end, each person has to understand themselves and their wishes, follow their own free will, and do what is meaningful to them, to be happy.

Accepting more than one way of living life

Quite soon after my 25th birthday, I had completed writing and recording an original song which has always been very meaningful to me. Writing this song – Proud To Be Me, I had learned that it is not possible for everyone to appreciate, or be proud of, all our ideas or everything that we do. So, this does not mean that what we are doing is not good enough or that our ideas are no good only because what different people appreciate is not the same. There will always be people who disagree with, or dislike, our opinions but when we have our own reasons or explanations, this is not a reason for us to be afraid to express them. How others see us is their choice, unless we have attacked them.

When I was younger, I was often afraid of admitting the way I was, what I thought, or my wishes, as I was worried about being judged or criticised, especially by people who were important to me. I was also afraid of mentioning my mental health problems in front of others, not because I thought that having mental health problems was shameful but because I worried that they would judge me when they realised what my wishes were – that I did not wish to live like other young people.

Speaking honestly, there is much more that I would like to continue to do. I believe that if I had been “corrected”, or did not have any of my mental health problems (that I was 100% “normal”), I would not be the same person, have the same personality, ideas, or opinions which I have today. I would like more people to know that mental health patients do not have to be successfully “cured” to be able to share their stories, even if this is what many people in society would expect. I would also like to share my opinion that we are not just a part of one generation of the human race, each person is themselves. 

Gnomy Evergreen (the author’s pen name) is a person who has lived in Hong Kong since birth. She lives with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Gerascophobia, an extremely rare fear of growing up. Since the age of 10, she has received various treatments, including cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure and response prevention, which made her feel unseen and othered. Now, she is trying to raise awareness about the emphasis on ‘curing’ rather than ‘helping’ in conventional medical treatment of these conditions.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Ben White via Unsplash

The second and more important reason why my therapists judged me was because although I did not express myself so clearly at the time, they already knew that my wishes were very different from those of most other patients with OCD or other forms of anxiety. I have always wanted to make it clear that I never enjoy feeling frustrated, worried, or being moody when anxiety attacks me so that I am not able to pursue my interests, such as oil painting, song writing, singing, my interest in foreign languages, etc.

However, I do not wish to be like the majority of young people my age, live like them, or have their lifestyle. I do not wish to have many of the “ordinary”, or “normal” life experiences that most people have, or would want to have. Although I know that there are many “ordinary”, or “normal” life experiences that I never had, but which are very important to the majority, for example, adventurous experiences with friends, romantic relationships, studying a degree, experiences to do with career, winning competitions, etc. I only wish to be able to continue doing what I find meaningful, follow my own wishes, have lasting and true relationships with friends, be myself, and be happy. It seemed that to the therapists who I had visited in the past, their most important job was to change a mental health patient into a “normal” person, and this was not what I wanted. 

Secondary school

I was a special needs student at my secondary school. Although I had always most appreciated all of the special arrangements which my school had given me, I can honestly say that I have no regrets that I was not able to take public exams during those years due to OCD and my anxiety. I now believe that even if I was able to take the public exams, this would have only made me more miserable as well as lose my interest in the subjects which I had studied. Thinking of when I was a school student, I had truly wanted to understand what I was studying because I did not have the pressure of academic results. In my opinion, each person’s ways and needs for learning are different.

For me, I can only learn well without the pressure to pass exams, pressure from other people, win competitions, be successful in performing, or compare with others. I am also able to learn well and improve only when I am learning because I am interested, and therefore want to do well and improve, but not to please others. I believe that people should be able to express themselves, be themselves, and walk their own road, instead of having to follow what society or other people expect them to be able to do even if they know that it is actually not fit for themselves.

Puberty and Gerascophobia

After reading the article, I believe that my Gerascophobia began during puberty, as I had never wanted my body to change. I was so worried about growing big and tall as well as having a feminine figure that I would do the opposite of anything which I heard could make me grow bigger or taller. I had never avoided food when I was hungry or avoided eating different types of food, but I tried hard to control puberty by eating less and not exercising much (although I never had a big appetite, or especially enjoyed activities with a lot of physical exercise, even when I was younger). Also, as I heard that there were some exercises which could help me grow taller, like skipping or jumping, I was careful to avoid them.

Everytime that someone told me that I had grown taller or looked older or more mature, I would feel very uncomfortable as it gave me anxiety. I would then try even harder to control puberty. I only stopped controlling myself when I knew that I had stopped growing. At the time, I did not dare to tell anyone as I was worried that if my parents knew, they would take me to visit more psychologists/psychiatrists. I already had many very unhappy experiences visiting psychologists/psychiatrists. My parents, and perhaps people who knew me well, only knew that I did not wish to grow big and tall, or look mature.

Another experience which may be interesting to people in different cultures is that during Chinese New Year, children or young people would greet adults (or married people in the older generation) with good wishes for the new year and then receive red packets (Lai See). When the adults give them Lai See, they would often bless them by saying, “I wish that you grow up fast, and grow big and tall”. I had disliked hearing this, and therefore each time when the person had turned their back, or was further away, I would say, “Reverse, reverse!”

Diving into Gerascophobia

Some years after puberty, when I was around 20 years old, one of my cousins, who had always been closer to me, asked me and my mother how come I always wished to be younger and really looked very young for my age, could it be that the mind could control the body? At the time, like most people, I had not heard of Gerascophobia, therefore I did not think much about his question. However, when I became older, like some of the people who knew me well, I had noticed that I did not only look quite young for my age, but that my natural voice when I spoke sounded like a young girl more than a woman. Then I remembered my cousin‘s question and started to be curious about whether it was possible that a person‘s mind could control their own body.

Even today, I like to have the image of a young girl, and would always dress much younger than my age. I do not treat myself as a woman and cannot accept it if others (even strangers) describe me as a woman. I would feel extremely uncomfortable or have anxiety if I had to dress like someone my age. I cannot be totally sure, but guess that the feeling would be a little similar to if a transgender person, or person with gender identity problems, had to dress as their birth gender.

Most teenagers would look forward to, or be excited about, celebrating their 18th birthday, but I was the opposite. A few months before I turned 18, I started to worry that because I would be an adult legally, the people around me would not continue to treat me in the same way. When I slept at night, I dreamed about feeling old. On my birthday that year, my parents organised a special birthday celebration for me. They booked a private room and invited many of our good friends to come and celebrate, with bottles of wine and champagne. Although I had very much appreciated how my parents and friends gave me that special celebration and, in particular, everyone‘s good wishes, I was not so excited. I did not want to feel like this was a “grown up” or “coming of age” party especially for me. I had never liked it when people asked how I felt being 18 or 21, or if I felt different, as I had never wanted to feel different due to my age.

For the coming 10 years until my 28th birthday, I was not in an especially good mood on my own birthday although I had always appreciated it when my family and friends remembered me, or if I had received cards, or gifts from them. I had always preferred celebrating other people‘s birthdays, especially the people who I cared about, as I did not want to have the feeling that I was growing older. However, on my 28th birthday, I was finally able to tell myself that as long as I can have the same image and others would treat me in the same or similar way, then I can treat myself in the same way too and as if I was the same age every year. I could think of it like my age was just a number, and would not need to have the feeling that I was growing older. Also, I reminded myself that for most of the time, people would not check my identity card in the street either.

Stay tuned for the final part, Chapter 3, of Gnomy Evergreen’s story.

Gnomy Evergreen (the author’s pen name) is a person who has lived in Hong Kong since birth. She lives with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Gerascophobia, an extremely rare fear of growing up. Since the age of 10, she has received various treatments, including cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure and response prevention, which made her feel unseen and othered. Now, she is trying to raise awareness about the emphasis on ‘curing’ rather than ‘helping’ in conventional medical treatment of these conditions.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: SeventyFour via Canva

More recently, I had found out by myself, after reading an article on the Internet, that I also have an extremely rare phobia of growing up, or growing older: Gerascophobia. Before learning about Gerascophobia, I sometimes wondered if I had (BDD) body dysmorphic disorder as well, however, after reading the article online, I understood that it was something else. At the time, around 5 or 6 years ago, I saw an article online about a 14 years old boy in Mexico, who was diagnosed with an extremely rare type of phobia. Like me, he had a fear of growing up.

I had immediately thought that the description of the symptoms of the boy in the article was very similar to the way I would describe myself, or what had happened to me during puberty. However, all of the psychologists and psychiatrists who I have met in Hong Kong as well as in the US seemed to know very little about the type of Gerascophobia which I believe that I have.

My time at primary school

During my first year at primary school (when I was around 5 years old), my school teachers already thought that there was something wrong with me. Therefore, the school recommended that my parents and I visit the school‘s child psychologist. At the time, visiting the child psychologist had made me extremely unhappy. He believed that I was a problem child, and that one of the reasons was because my parents were not strict enough (too friendly) towards me. I believe that I have always been someone who would never accept an aggressive person’s words, i.e. I could never be threatened.

Also, I was the kind of child who would never accept what adults told me without an explanation, and was not afraid to argue when I disagreed, or did not accept their words. I always had my own opinions about almost everything, but would cooperate if adults were patient to explain in a nice way and give reasons. Therefore, I believe that this was another reason why to my school teachers, and to the child psychologist, I was a stubborn problem child.

Thinking about this, I wonder how adults can teach a child to be polite to the people around them if they themselves are rude and aggressive towards the child. The child psychologist had made me feel that I was the problem and given me the feeling that he, my parents, and teachers on the one hand and I on the other hand, were fighting against each other. Doing this seriously harms children.

Bullying from classmates

During my last two years at primary school, I became even unhappier as I was bullied badly by some classmates (one boy, was violent towards me as well). When I was in grade 5, I had a feeling that even my class teacher disliked me very much. The school had always said that they had very strict policies about bullying; unfortunately, to me, those were only words as I felt that they did not do much to protect me. Even before these two years, some of the children as well as one or two of the security guards in the residential compound where I lived, had sometimes made fun of me. I felt that I was in a negative environment as the adults around me sometimes gave me a feeling that people made fun of me because I gave myself an image which seemed weak and weird (meaning I was creating trouble for myself).

I also often had a feeling that when I was unhappy or had problems, the people around me did not sympathise much for in their opinion, I was unhappy because of my own attitude or because I was not working hard to do better. Another reason why I was unhappy was that I felt that no one truly understood and accepted me. To my friends, relatives, and all of the people who knew me, I was the luckiest “little princess” who had everything which she wanted, as my family loved me very much (which I have never denied) and was able to give me every tangible thing that I needed.

Unfortunately, for many years, my parents and the people who knew me had given me the feeling that they would love and appreciate me more if I had a different personality or attitude. I mean that if I was less sensitive, more positive, fearless, had a fighter spirit, or was a stronger person. Also, I was never the type of person who would be willing to try everything, (or all types of treatment) just to help themselves. I have always been more afraid of having to face pain or difficulty, and am still this way today. Although I knew that my family and friends loved and cared about me very much, I felt that no one had loved and accepted me as the person I was. No one could imagine why I was quite miserable. Therefore afterwards, even when I was much older, I had often felt that I would never be the person that people around me imagined, or expected me to be.

Today, I believe that society should learn to accept that everyone is different. Each person should be able to be themselves, without worrying about forcing themselves to be a different person, or be like other people who are popular, just to please the people around them. Others should respect us as well as our different personalities as long as we know ourselves and do not hurt anyone. I now also understand that if we truly love or care about someone, then we must love and accept them as the person they are. People who do not accept or respect the real you are not your friends.

Treatment in North America: Questionable treatment methods

Starting from the year when I graduated from primary school until the summer before my 18th birthday, my parents and I had travelled to either Canada or the US almost every summer holiday, as well as during one Christmas holiday, for my treatment. Unfortunately, beginning from the summer after I had finished my first year at secondary school, every time I returned to Hong Kong and to school after the trip, I felt very disappointed and unhappy.

During the summer when I travelled to the US for my treatment for the first time, my therapist also recommended another child psychologist/family counsellor to my parents, as she thought that I had problems with my attitude. In my opinion, he (the child psychologist/family counsellor) was teaching my parents to give me a rude answer every time I said something which they disagreed with, or disliked – ”talk to the hand” was the response he taught my parents. You can imagine what would happen if a student did this at school!

One of my more recent theories is: It does not make sense to me that many people believe that they need to be polite to their friends and other people and be careful not to offend them, but think that just because they can speak very honestly at home, that they do not really have to worry about offending their close family. What I mean is that many people would just yell, or answer rudely at home when someone in their family makes comments which they disagree with or expresses an opinion which they dislike.

I do not believe that the majority are rude to their families on purpose. However, one reason behind may be that if you have this type of reaction towards a friend or other people you know, they could easily end their relationship with you. Many people probably have the idea that close family cannot do this just because you have offended them, and they always have to forgive you in the end. Strangely, if you tell the majority that you do not say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ to your family at home, they would surely disagree. But to me, there is not much difference between the two examples. So I agree that we should be most honest towards close family, but believe that we should speak politely even if we disagree.

Gnomy Evergreen (the author’s pen name) is a person who has lived in Hong Kong since birth. She lives with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Gerascophobia, an extremely rare fear of growing up. Since the age of 10, she has received various treatments, including cognitive behavioural therapy and exposure and response prevention, which made her feel unseen and othered. Now, she is trying to raise awareness about the emphasis on ‘curing’ rather than ‘helping’ in conventional medical treatment of these conditions.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Maridav via Canva

For example, when we scroll through posts of perfect images or newsfeeds, we feel there is a lack in ourselves. The feelings creep in and create diminished self- confidence, self-worth and self-respect.

How we esteem ourselves is crucial to our mental health. It is the foundation of our inner strength, from where we can draw upon our resources of motivation, courage and confidence.

A mental framework for self-esteem

What is self-esteem? If we take a surface-level viewpoint, it is our opinion of ourselves, it is how we evaluate ourselves. On a deeper level, self-esteem is a basic human need, and forms a foundation of our inner selves. It is the gap between our current image and ideal image. If the gap is wide, we suffer from low self-esteem, if the gap is narrow, we evaluate ourselves positively.

According to psychologists, self-esteem tends to fluctuate daily. With every external input, we are affected internally. If we have a healthy sense of self, we can pursue our goals. But, if our self-esteem has taken a hit, we are unable to function to the best of our ability. We tend to compare ourselves with others, criticize ourselves, and then feel we are not good enough.

Self-esteem has become all the more relevant in our hyper-connected technologically savvy world.

Social media allows us to lie by omission

When we interact with others online, we put up a front, we prefer to present an image of success and happiness. No one feels like sharing those low moments of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. We are intent in continuing to appear perfect.

Psychologists have a term for the way we lie to ourselves and others. It is also referred to as reputation management, which is creating an image for others to see. This kind of management refers to how others are perceiving me, what do they think about me, or my life and so on. We are constantly editing the truth and then tailoring ourselves into an acceptable form for other people. Often, we are not aware we are doing that.

When we lie to ourselves, we lose sight of our own identity, and try to live up to the standards of the fake self-image. It then becomes harder to maintain an image that is just meant for the outside world.

What happens when the façade fails to achieve its goal?

We fall apart. We have fallen in our own eyes simply because how we esteem ourselves relies on how others perceive us. Our self-esteem depends on others validation of ourselves, which then makes our feelings a servant to how others judge us.

Research shows that most apps on our smart phones are designed to be addictive. The apps are sharing news feeds that affect us, and we in turn share feeds that affect others. This domino effect creates mindsets that are distressed, anxious, exacerbated by a harsh inner critic.

When we scroll through social media, many posts create an impression on our minds that tells us to be someone we are not. These are the kinds of news feeds designed to upset us, to trigger feelings of lack.

A teenager said that, “We are taught from a young age to ‘glow up’ to be attractive, and if we are not meeting certain social standards, then we are not good enough, we are unlovable, unworthy or not valued. By taking a certain pill, using a certain product, changing our physical appearance, it will make us a better person.”

This kind of thinking implies that we are in constant self-fix-it mode, and over time becomes a habit, which then leads to constant self-deprecation. The feeling of ‘not good enough’ crops up at every crossroad in life.

What happens when we set such high standards of ourselves?

Social media creates dysfunctional perfectionism

Setting goals and pursuing them is a good thing. However, at times the standards are set so high that they are impossible to achieve. Perfectionism refers to a mindset that is in a constant dissatisfied state, no matter how much is accomplished, there is reason for it to be not good enough. We then turn against our own selves. It becomes stressful when we cannot reach arbitrary imaginary standards set by our own demanding self. The anxiety and negativity that perfectionism brings with it can get overwhelming.

It is an all-or-nothing attitude towards achieving goals. Many young people are constantly pushing themselves to do and be the best. According to research studies, social media has come up as one of the aggravating causes of this pressure to be perfect. The negative focus leads to comparing oneself to others, obsession, fear of failure, and chronic stress. This doesn’t mean that we have to avoid scrolling through social sites. Avoiding the issues doesn’t make them go away.

We have to live with social media, we can curtail the use of our devices, however that may not be possible in the long run. Our mobile devices have become a valuable extension of our lives, we use them for multiple purposes. The mobile has offered us a camera, phone banking services, Zoom calls, online meetings, and many more. We don’t just play games on our phones; we use them for serious business too.

Insights into the smartphone generation

The first smartphone hit the market in 2007. It became smarter as the years flew by. Advances in technology has given us maximum flexibility with the small screen, and therefore the demand for smartphones have exploded. With smartphones there is instant gratification, we experience an immediate high which keeps us hooked on our little gadgets of pleasure.

The greatest usage, according to the Global Web Index, is by the Gen Zs, those born between 1997 and 2012. They have never known a world without smartphones, and therefore it is a natural part of their lives. The Gen Zs have made good use of the mobile devices, in ways that are more productive.

Recent research shared the positive impact of smart phones in pandemic times, keeping us abreast of news, market businesses, and enabling us to connect with families globally.

However, there are many studies that share opposing views on the benefits of social media. Research shows that most of the time we use social media to lift our confidence and self-esteem. Once we are offline, we lose that sense of self-worth. We are dependent on the likes, comments, and attention online, such that we feel bad when we are not getting the constant validation. Soon we forget that our own opinion matters more. Deceitful images give us a point of view that is unreal, we strive to match them. We then compare and compete with others, forcing ourselves to be another identity. We don’t see the truth behind the digital curtain.

Whichever way you look at it, young or old, all generations are connected to their mobile devices. This is the way of the world. We all have to learn to be more discerning and not accept everything we see as the whole truth.

If we are aware of our reactions internally, we can use the gadgets for what they are, a useful tool, like any other appliance or electronic item in our home.

Awareness and acceptance

The truth of who we are is more important to ourselves. Having the ability to accept ourselves despite flaws is crucial when we face constant attacks on our self-esteem. During those moments when the mind gives us reasons to hate ourselves, we need to take a pause and become aware of why it happens. Any kind of self-hate can lead to mental health issues.

Becoming aware of our internal landscape will give us clarity of what we can do to change. We have every right to feel good about who we are as we are.

If friends or social media opinions matter more than your own, then you need to rethink what you can do to be positive about yourself. Are the people you associate with supportive or critical? Are they focusing on your negatives or motivating you? Being around people who are like-minded, who are supportive and encouraging, can help you develop and maintain your self-esteem.

Social media or not, ultimately the reality is that each one of us is responsible for our own internal transformation. And to do that we must learn to be compassionate with ourselves.

 Read more advice from Shobha Nihalani on self-esteem 

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: capturenow via Canva

What is greenwashing?

Greenwashing is the action to mislead the public or media by falsely representing a person, a company, or a product as being environmentally responsible, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. In short, it’s when we as consumers are led to believe that a product or service is better for the environment than it really is.

Often, greenwashing is done subtly by the use of nebulous terms, such as ’sustainable’ or ‘green’. These concepts are used purposely due to a lack of global standards, legislation, and regulation around what constitutes an eco-friendly product. This insinuation that a product or service is environmentally or ethically superior influences purchasing behaviour.

As ethical and environmental issues become more important to many consumers, brands are ensuring they do all they can to appeal to this growing market, often not through real action and changing behaviour, but clever marketing.

How did the term ‘greenwashing’ come about?

Greenwashing is not a new phrase; the term was coined in 1986 by environmentalist Jay Westervelt in an essay he wrote which exemplified how an American hotel’s marketing campaign deliberately deceived its patrons. Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, it was frequently used to describe a deliberate strategy that oil, automotive, and chemical companies used to mislead consumers. But in the last 20 years, the term has become synonymous with the fashion industry and even more recently with the advent of ESG, the finance sector.

Greenwashing as a marketing strategy

In short, companies use greenwashing as a marketing strategy to increase sales. As society becomes more aware of the need to consume more consciously, the ability to influence shoppers who are more environmentally-minded increases. By appealing to those consumers, through insincere or inaccurate claims, some businesses (often those with vast customer reach) can sway or convert shoppers to buy their product or services because of their alleged care for the environment. As a result, they gain a competitive advantage over their rivals and increase market share or sales.

The use of natural colours, paper packaging, and the inclusion of animals or nature are commonly used as deliberate marketing ploy to give the impression that a product is more environmentally responsible than it actually is.

This strategy plays on the lack of clarity and regulation globally, and frequently the marketing claims leave a lot of room for interpretation. Words and images are purposely vague, and at times misleading, to target buyers who just want to ‘do the right thing’.

While greenwashing is not illegal, many countries are stepping up regulation to prevent business from making false or misleading claims. In France legislation has recently been passed to hold companies accountable, with penalties that include fines and a public correction. In an effort to further reduce greenwashing by companies, the European Commission have initiated a consultation, proposing the introduction of standard measurables to substantiate a company’s environmental claim. The aim is to ensure they are reliable, comparable, and verifiable across the EU, these measurables would be applicable for companies exporting from Hong Kong to the EU.  

In Hong Kong, greenwashing is often discussed in the context of financial services. As ESG investing grows, so does the risk of greenwashing in this sector.  Alexander Chan, Head of ESG Client Strategy, Asia Pacific at Invesco says, “Greenwashing activity over time could result in the loss of investor confidence in ESG investing and more importantly become a distraction to making actual ESG and climate progress.”

In order to give this a legal framework, standards and regulation is needed alongside international collaboration.

Examples of greenwashing companies

Greenwashing is prevalent in all sectors, from fashion and beauty to F&B and finance. The aviation industry hit the headlines in Hong Kong in early 2022 for alleged greenwashing over airport investment. Reclaim Finance, a Paris based climate campaigner has criticised the issuance of a green bond for this project, saying it raised “serious climate and biodiversity-related risks.”

Another example of companies greenwashing is McDonald’s, which was heavily criticised in 2019 when they replaced single-use plastic straws with paper ones in a bid to appear more environmentally responsible. The reality was that the straws were non-recyclable, they had simply moved from one non-sustainable practice to another, hoping that the use of paper would appease those wanting to reduce landfill.

Fashion, especially fast fashion, is notorious for greenwashing. A 2021 report from the Changing Markets Foundation looked at clothing from major high-street fashion brands to check the truthfulness of their sustainability claims. They found that 60% of these claims were misleading. H&M were found to be the worst offender with a shocking 96% of their claims not holding up.

How companies can actually be sustainable?

There is constant debate in apparel about what is sustainable, but the reality is complex and a whole range of factors make up the overall environment and social impact of production. From materials, to where and how it is produced, to the logistics and transportation. Unless a business is founded on a sustainable strategy and culture, it takes a lot of time and money to transition to a sustainable business. The bigger the company, the harder the transition becomes, with buy-in from all stakeholders and board being critical for success.

In beauty, the narrative is often that products are ‘green’ or ‘clean’. This unsubstantiated terminology gets people to buy into brands whose messaging is greener than their product. ‘No nasties’ is a great example of words that mean nothing, as is ‘chemical-free’.

Do we even care that we’re being greenwashed?

Many consumers do care that we’re being greenwashed, according to Brand Consultant of Side by Side, Charlotte Wilkinson says: “The more sustainably educated consumers become, the more discerning they become. Food, Fast Moving Consumer Goods and Clothing are the sectors where consumers are most sensitive to shopping with a sustainable mindset.”

Generally speaking, when we know we are being fooled, we become annoyed by that brand or company and we are less likely to shop with them again. The issue is often knowing what’s really green and what’s greenwashed. Many brands, at all spectrums of the market, have been accused of deliberately using vague or exaggerated language. Misinformation is rife and unfortunately, it comes down to you and me to delve behind the label and ask questions in order to see the full picture. Sadly, this takes time, effort, and resources that many of us just don’t have on a daily basis. As a result, consumers are left confused, frustrated, and vulnerable to misinformation.

With a retail career spanning twenty years, Sheryl has worked for some of the biggest brands across Buyers and Sourcing. Her increasing concern about the negative impact of the industry led her to write her debut book, Sustainably Stylish – A guide to curating a guilt-free wardrobe. Sheryl graduated from Hong Kong University with an Executive Certificate in Corporate Social Responsibility and is passionate about making retail and life, in general, more sustainable.

Her everyday musings can be found on Instagram @makemywardrobework or on her website www.makemywardrobework.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: tanaonte via Canva

What is fear, actually?

Many of us live in a constant state of fear. It may seem like an abnormal emotion; however, scientists explain that fear is actually the body’s defense mechanism. Our senses are on alert to danger, and fear keeps us safe. It is natural to experience fear, in fact, a lack of fear is considered a possible sign of brain damage.

Fear makes a person feel trapped, and blocks their ability to seek other opportunities. Failure is also linked to fear of judgement.

The different kinds of fears

Some fears are instinctive. Pain is a kind of fear that is related to survival. Some fears are a result of trauma. A car accident, for example, may cause anxiety to get back behind the wheel. Annie says, “I was always afraid about getting hurt and being in physical pain. And therefore, scared of doctors and hospitals.”

Other fears are developed over time. In childhood, we are taught to fear certain people, places, or situations. Another fear is the kind that is not risky to our bodies, and yet affects us deeply, is public speaking. It is recognized as the number one cause of fear.

Other fears are about relationships. There is a fear of losing respect when one fails at keeping a friendship or a marriage. Fear of being honest in a relationship has become common. Some relationships are not founded on love, but fear.

There is fear of death, and death of loved ones, which is the hardest one to deal with. The fear exists in the knowledge that life is terminal. It is a reality of our existence.

What happens to the body when we experience fear?

Research shows that the amygdala, the primal part of our brain, gets overworked when we are scared. There is a release of stress hormones, creating a fright, freeze, fight or flight response. In that frame of mind, we function on instinct, we physically feel overwhelmed, and our bodies react as if we are about to be attacked by a tiger.

The power of fear is so strong that many of our life’s choices and decisions come from a place of fear. Very often our reasoning is related to other people’s opinions. We worry about what people will think or say of our behaviour.

Fear tends to push us to ruminate. Over time, a sense of helplessness develops leading to bouts of depression. Inability to deal with the fear puts a tremendous amount of daily stress on both body and mind. Many people live in this self-created barricade of fear.

How to effectively face your fears

Let’s face it, we want to completely eliminate fear. Fear suffocates our lives. To be able to have that sense of ease within and without, we need to learn to deal with fear with our rational brain. The way to do this is to not fall into the trap of ruminating in fear. Ask yourself, ‘If this fear did not exist, what would I do differently?’ Just the thought of having no fear creates a sense of hope. Many of our fears are self-created by imagining worst case scenarios. They are a mental picture we paint and often not a reality. Confronting a fear means finding the courage to realise the truth of the situation. Facing reality, and realizing how the fear overwhelms us, is the first step in dealing with it.

Many people are too comfortable living with fear. It keeps us within a comfort zone, and limits us from taking risks or learning a new activity. If we think that we can live with fear, we are wrong. Later in life, regrets pile up, and our self-esteem gets affected. If we are unhappy with our own behaviour to face fears, we feel like we are not good enough. Deep down, we know that feeling like a coward is not a healthy way to lead a life. The good part of our ability to rationalize is that we can confront our fears and raise our self-respect and self-worth.

While on the flight, when I rationalized, and questioned my stress, the fear lost its edge, and I could relax. There was nothing to fear, I had had my jabs, I was careful and took all precautions. I had to accept that was the reality of my situation. I have no influence over externals. Often, fear takes over when we think we can control our environment and people. We have to accept that we can only do so much from within our ability to control our own attitudes and actions.

The choice to be fearless comes from our mindset. At times there is fear that has no clear cause. This is a persistent fear which is also referred to being worried about something but not sure why, or a sense of uneasiness within. This feeling is considered a disorder if it is constant and interferes with basic life activities like sleep and work.

No doubt, having a healthy sense of fear helps us understand situations that are risky or unsafe. The way we manage fear is key to not let it overpower us.

The irony is that the fear of a wasted purposeless life, not achieving one’s dreams or aspirations, can spark a drive to create a more fulfilling life.

More writing from Shobha Nihalani

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Mauricio Graiki via Canva

Sheryl said, “I’m a huge lover of fashion and shopping as a whole, but as someone who is employed by the sector and a consumer of it, I was becoming more and more disheartened by its slow progress towards a more sustainable and fairer approach. The ever-increasing mountain of textile waste headed to landfill left me frustrated.”

With over 20 years’ retail experience in fashion buying and textile procurement with a variety of global brands, Sheryl was well-placed to give her opinions and experience.

She continues, “I want readers to appreciate how important their behaviours are and that by making a few small changes they can have great impact and become a smarter shopper, in terms of clothing choices and financial impact. Many of us also have wardrobes full of clothes that we rarely wear, but there’s no need to carelessly discard them. There are lots of repurposing options out there. Everyone has it within them to create a stylish and sustainable wardrobe.”

About Sustainably Stylish

The 248-page hardback book is full of tips to help readers curate their own more sustainable style, and is also an education in how the industry works and explores ways in which it can evolve to become more sustainable. This is a must-read for those who want to curate a wardrobe that reflects their values and style, whilst better understanding what becoming a more conscious consumer entails.

Split into three sections that can be read in any order, the book covers everything from creating a personal style and editing your own wardrobe, to debating the merits of existing and innovative new materials, to simply understanding how fast fashion exploded and changed the industry forever. It doesn’t shy away from discussing and debating the social, economic, and environmental impact of the fashion sector and offers insight into the future of fashion.

The book demystifies sustainability within the fashion industry and offers a unique insight into how clothes are bought, worn, and discarded. Its informal chatty tone is relatable, and the pages are packed with tips and advice on becoming a stylish, savvy, and conscious consumer. Punctuated with inspiring and witty quotes and illustrations, it is littered with anecdotes which make it a relatable and personal read.

Sustainably Stylish – A guide to curating a guilt-free wardrobe is available in hardback
priced at $200. Available at The Lion Rock Press, Bookazine Stores, Retykle, Kidnapped Book Store, Hula, and Impact HK.

Read more from Sheryl on sustainability issues

With a retail career spanning twenty years, Sheryl has worked for some of the biggest brands across Buyers and Sourcing. Her increasing concern about the negative impact of the industry led her to write her debut book, Sustainably Stylish – A guide to curating a guilt-free wardrobe. Sheryl graduated from Hong Kong University with an Executive Certificate in Corporate Social Responsibility and is passionate about making retail and life, in general, more sustainable.

Her everyday musings can be found on Instagram @makemywardrobework or on her website www.makemywardrobework.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Sheryl Bolden / pixelshot via Canva

In these times, more and more people have felt this sense of emptiness and sadness. The topic of loneliness has come to the forefront because of the Covid-19 world we live in. According to surveys, loneliness existed pre-pandemic, it is definitely not a new social problem; it has just become more obvious in these times of social-distancing and self-isolation. The multiple factors that contribute to loneliness make it a complicated inner world to navigate.

What is emotional loneliness?

Social psychologists define loneliness as the gap between an ideal and current social connection. Some attribute it to internal factors such as low self-esteem. Often, when people lack confidence in themselves, they are reluctant to socialize. Their inner fears and sense of unworthiness are the core reasons.

Webster’s dictionary defines ‘lonely’ as “being without company or cut off from others and producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.”

Loneliness is a mixture of feelings, of rejection combined with a sense of isolation and emptiness. These are complicated emotions. Loneliness is increasingly becoming recognized as a health issue that affects us physically and mentally.

The most common types of loneliness

There are different types of loneliness. Even in a crowd or group, people can experience a sense of loneliness. Life is about relationships and we crave human connection. Still, when we feel that we are not wanted, ignored, or even belittled, that sense of rejection affects a person deeply, creating emotional loneliness. It is a feeling that no one truly understands you or what you’re going through. You feel that you cannot talk to anyone because they will not be able to support you.

Another form of loneliness that is happening more commonly is social isolation. Not just physically but emotionally as well, many find it difficult to adjust to pandemic restrictions. According to recent studies, there are high costs associated with the implementation of social distancing rules and quarantine procedures. These restrictions are in place to reduce the transmission of Covid-19. However, many have been affected mentally, experiencing a severe sense of isolation and loneliness.

If you are stuck in a hotel room or at home, it can affect your state of mind. The loneliness can at times make you feel that everything in your life is falling apart.

In other ways, loneliness becomes negative when you are in close proximity to family members who need constant care or are too demanding. In these times, many people are reevaluating their lives, trying to figure out the uncertainties and how to cope with them.

What are the root causes of loneliness?

There is no clear indication that social isolation will lead to loneliness. Does being alone actually mean you feel lonely? Not necessarily. Do fewer in-person interactions create a sense of hopelessness? Not true either. There are people who live alone, are they all necessarily feeling lonelier in the pandemic? We don’t really know.

Loneliness is a phenomenon that is not as simplistic as a cause and effect. Factors like quality of life, economic conditions, relationship issues, health of loved ones, and other stressors can trigger feelings of loneliness, otherwise understood as the gap between what we want our social world to look like and what it actually looks like.

Research shows that certain personality traits can lead to feelings of isolation. For example, introverts prefer to be on their own. Their tendencies could lead to loneliness. Introverts crave solitude and probably prefer to be on their own. However, if there is something else that adversely affects their lifestyle, it could trigger feelings of hopelessness.

Often, when work or relationship dynamics change, conflicts arise, which lead to feelings of being misunderstood and resentment. A person going through such changes will feel alone, lost, and like no one understands them.

What happens when we spend too much time alone?

Studies indicate that loneliness can be damaging to health. When we feel lonely, we become sad and empty, the body becomes lethargic. As the feelings become habitual, it becomes anhedonia, or the inability to feel pleasure. Adding on to that there is anxiety and lack of confidence to do anything different. As time goes by, there is a sense of hopelessness. The body further loses energy and there’s a loss of the ability to concentrate on any activity. Some days, insomnia persists, other days you might sleep too much. To numb these feelings, some people may resort to alcohol, recreational drugs, or overconsumption of media.

We are wired to be social. No matter how shy or introverted you may be, loneliness is not a life goal. Being alone or spending time in solitude to self-reflect are good habits. However, ruminating and over-analysing everything in an echo chamber with yourself are not helpful habits. If one is lonely, being aware of one’s own feelings, attitude to life, and reactions to people, will help understand oneself better. With that understanding, change can happen.

It happens that lonely people do not want to pose a burden and therefore avoid reaching out to others. Anita shared that some traits of loneliness include apprehension to reach out because you are unsure about making the first move. She added that other mannerisms are “being more talkative when you meet people” or not wanting to “let people go when you finally meet them.” A lot of loneliness issues can lead to self-defeating behaviors, creating further anxiety.

How to cure loneliness? Find ways to connect in isolation

Experts believe that it is not the quantity but the quality of a social interaction that can combat loneliness.

Take small steps towards change. Something as simple as reaching out to another person with a smile can create a positive human connection. Even if it is someone you don’t know very well – your coffee server, the delivery guy, the guard, the lady at the supermarket checkout – even with your mask on, a smile is recognizable.

When you are stuck in isolation (physical and emotional) there are ways to reach out to people. Call up a friend, someone you trust, share your thoughts. For all you know your friend maybe experiencing similar lonely feelings, which is likely during this time in history. Another way is to connect with people online; through sharing you will notice you are not alone in your experience.

Very often, when we are feeling lonely, our self-talk becomes difficult to deal with. It reminds us of the negatives. Someone may have let you down in the past, or you faced rejection, the job may not be working out, and other spiralling thoughts can cause us to dwell. These kinds of thoughts affect our mindset.

Don’t ignore the sadness, but watch out for the negative thinking patterns. Another way to monitor your thoughts is to not compare yourself with others. Know that whatever highlight reels are revealed online, they are not the whole story. If you are prone to social media envy, do yourself a favour and stop scrolling. Keep your mind positively occupied. There is a popular online word game called Wordle; many variations of these game puzzles have come up that keep the mind busy in a neutral, light way. Create a vision board, journal your feelings, bake a cake, do something that keeps you mentally and physically moving.

A simple act of reaching out to someone can alleviate pangs of sadness. It may seem cliché to say that small acts of kindness can lead to happy hearts. For someone who is feeling alone, that small act could make a big difference.

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Engin Akyurt via Unsplash

We live in a world that talks about Diversity and Inclusion (D&I) and yet we tend to use acronyms to create boundaries around certain sections of people.

You may ask, where is the bias in the term ‘ethnic minority’? Fact: There is an educational marginalization of Hong Kong’s under-served, socioeconomically less, underprivileged kids. Therefore, using ‘ethnically marginalized minority children community’ misrepresents the current status.

Language-based inequity for non-Chinese speaking students creates inequal opportunity

If one were to probe deeper, contrary to local schools, Hong Kong’s international schools have no such terms as ethnic minority, Non-Chinese Speaking, or Non-English Speaking children. Yet, this term has been used interchangeably to denote ethnic minorities.

All Hong Kong children from all backgrounds are deserving of education, the kind that encourages and empowers. The kind of learning environment that motivates and incites big dreams. And most importantly, the kind that enables a child to communicate confidently in their daily life. However, there are some children who are not getting that kind of education.

From the schooling perspective, it is the language-based inequity, as well as unequal learning opportunities in the free local schooling system, that have caused marginalisation of certain children.

Marginalized students don’t need a watered down curriculum

There is an unspoken assumption that Chinese is a difficult language, and therefore cannot easily be learnt, unless one has grown up in a Chinese-speaking environment. However, there are no statistics to prove that marginalized children do not have the learning capacity for the Chinese language.

In Hong Kong, all local schools use Cantonese as the medium of teaching. Some schools are designated as using Chinese as a Medium of Instruction (CMI) or English as a Medium of Instruction (EMI). Both teaching systems can result in a child being unable to gain a solid grasp of either English or Chinese, further diminishing confidence and setting the stage for inequal opportunities in Hong Kong society.

These children are offered the dumbed-down alternative curriculum, which is not necessary, they just need more practice in learning the language. Equality in education will provide equal opportunities for all children.

When a bias is created in an education system, children internalize this limiting belief, and feel inferior. Going forward, these children feel they are not good enough, and they harbour this sentiment all the way into adulthood.

Holistic language education creates equal opportunity

Bridging the gap between diversity and inclusion requires cultural immersion, and the key element is language. Without a journey in immersive communication amongst children, the bias and educational inequality remains.

Cantonese is the daily language of Hong Kong, therefore learning the language has become an imperative part of integrating and interacting with the local community. Equal opportunities in career and education can happen to children who are adept at communicating in the local language.

The NCS marginalized children are equally valuable assets to Hong Kong’s economy. They form an integral part of Hong Kong’s society. In fact, they have the capability to become great contributors to Hong Kong’s future. All this can only happen if they are treated as equals, creating a sense of belonging in the community.

If marginalized children are treated with respect, nurtured, and encouraged with dignity through equal access to educational opportunities, only then can they feel that Hong Kong is their home.

Education is meant to build an individual’s confidence to face the future, and to enable a child to feel ambitious enough to step up and contribute to society. In order to achieve, a child needs the right kind of support to learn a language that will enable them to communicate easily and comfortably.

IBEL breaks the barriers for marginalized children with adapted curriculum

To fill in the education gaps and strengthen the language abilities of the children, Integrated Brilliant Education Ltd. (IBEL), a registered Hong Kong charity, has been proactive in offering daily frontline support to over 250 educationally marginalized children.

All this started in 2015, when Mr. Manoj Dhar, the Co-Founder & CEO of IBEL, and his wife, Geetanjali conceptualized IBEL’s mission. Today there are two Education Bureau-registered learning centres in Jordan and in Cheung Sha Wan. Within a nurturing environment, the children’s academic, physical, and emotional well-being is addressed. Several outdoor experiential learning activities are part of the child’s development as well. The children’s ages range from 5 to 15 years, and with support and regular practice, their confidence in their Cantonese-speaking and writing skills improves consistently.

Primary level children studying in CMI schools and EMI schools face different challenges. Lack of exposure to Chinese at home, means the IBEL teachers have to provide as much language stimuli as possible. It is imperative that the children develop fluency in the four skills of writing, reading, listening, and speaking the language. Once this happens, it becomes easier for the child to learn other subjects in the classroom, and to interact with their classmates.

For secondary level students, IBEL provides support in all subjects, including Mathematics, Liberal Studies, Sciences, Businesses and others. Career and Life Planning Education (CLPE) takes place at Hong Kong secondary schools. In this area, IBEL teachers also act as mentors and life coaches to guide the students to enhance their future academic journey.

The effect of providing equal access to education

It has been noted that the students at IBEL are keen enthusiastic learners. They look at their schoolmates to build friendships, not to build barriers. There have been fun cultural exchange activities and other interactive sports programs to encourage a wider understanding and acceptance of children from diverse backgrounds.

The successful IBEL model of teaching non-Chinese speaking students has come to the notice of many NGOs. They have reached out to Dhar for his expertise on how best to educate and include NCS students though a holistic, empathic, and inclusive approach.

‘Encouraging and supporting the young ones is our unquestioning responsibility for the betterment of Hong Kong society and its future.’ Dhar says. In 2017, Dhar was heralded Champion of the Operation Santa Claus/UBS NGO Leadership Programme. In 2021, on behalf of IBEL, he accepted the SCMP Classified Post HR Appreciation NGO Covid-19 Special Award.

While attending to the daily activities of the IBEL centres, Dhar routinely interacts with IBEL’s beneficiary children, their parents, and the teaching staff to check on the students’ progress.

Recently, a few IBEL students were asked to fill out a questionnaire. One of the questions was on identity and how they viewed themselves: Did they feel that they identified as: a) ethnic minority, b) Hong Konger, c) expat, or d) other? The interesting fact is that the majority of the children chose b) Hong Konger.

This sense of belonging is an important factor for a child’s growth and development. Being able to communicate in the local lingo will empower them to integrate and become contributing citizens to Hong Kong society.

Consider supporting IBEL to fund improvements to their centres and their 250-plus students’ experiences by donating below.

Husband and wife duo Manoj and Geetanjali Dhar founded Integrative Brilliant Education Ltd. in 2015. With educational centres in Jordan and Cheung Sha Wan, IBEL supports underprivileged children from non-Chinese speaking communities who face marginalization, with language learning support and life skill development. These students encounter barriers in their education and life paths sprouting from inequal access to education at a young age.

Header image credits: IBEL

What are microplastics?

As the name suggests, microplastics are pieces of plastic measuring less than 5mm. We find them everywhere, from beaches and seas to the streets and countryside, and even inside our homes and bodies. Microplastics vary in size from as big as a grain of rice to microscopic.

There is a distinction between primary microplastics and secondary microplastics. Primary microplastics are plastic particles designed for commercial use. The bulk of microplastics impacting the environment are secondary microplastics, which originate from larger pieces of plastic that have broken down over time.

Non-profit marine conservation group, Plastic Soup Foundation, reports that since the end of WWII, 8.3 billion metric tons of plastic have been produced worldwide. Sadly, only 9% of this total figure has been recycled and 12% incinerated. Plastic doesn’t decompose, meaning the remaining 79% has remained in our environment and global landfills.

What are the sources of microplastics?

Microplastics aren’t just derived from visible plastic waste. More silent and subtle contributors exist, such as microbeads, which are small, manufactured beads made from polyethylene plastic used in health and beauty products. While the negative impact of microbeads may have only received global criticism in the last decade, they are not a recent problem.

The United Nations Environmental Programme reports the use of microbeads in cosmetics for over 50 years. Not only are they in products such as exfoliating scrubs, but they are also found in all types of cosmetics, personal hygiene, and baby care products. The story is the same for these plastic particles, which cannot be collected for recycling nor decompose, simply entering our ecosystem where they end up in our seas and oceans.  

Resin pellets used in manufacturing are a third common source of microplastic pollution. These pellets, used in the preproduction of plastic items, are found in environmental samples all over the world. Their geographical locations are often linked to production and transportation spills. As an international shipping and logistics hub, Hong Kong is especially exposed to this source of microplastics in the ocean.

How do microplastics affect humans?

In short, it is too early to say how serious the ingestion of microplastics through our food and drinking water is. Researchers have been concerned about the potential harm of microplastic pollution on life for nearly two decades. While most studies have focused on the risks to marine life, this is changing as scientists begin to focus on the impact of microplastics on human health. 

Plastic is a polymer, but it is different to those natural polymers that our bodies are used to breaking down and safely processing. According to Yale chemist Paul Anastas, human bodies have not had enough time to evolve to process the artifical polymer that is plastic.

A 2021 study by Evangelos Danopoulos of Hull York Medical School analysed the negative impacts of microplastics on human cells. In the study, he compared the impact that consuming differing levels of plastic particles through contaminated drinking water, seafood, and table salt had. The findings showed specific types of harm such as cell death, allergic response, and damage to cell walls. The same 2022 study that discovered microplastics in human blood also showed that they travel around the body and can get stuck in organs.

According to Danopouslos: “We should be concerned. Right now, there isn’t really a way to protect ourselves […] we don’t really know how they react with our bodies once they are in.” While future research could make it possible to identify the foods most associated with microplastic consumption so that we can avoid them, he believes that the ultimate solution is to stop the loss of plastic waste: “Once the plastic is in the environment, we can’t really get it out.”

Microplastic pollution in Hong Kong

There are many factors that contribute to Hong Kong’s plastic pollution. Its geographical position in the Pearl River Delta, one of the world’s largest industrial hubs, means that industrial plastic waste is rife. Pair this with the widescale adoption of single-use plastic compounded by poor recycling infrastructure, and massive amounts of plastic are frequently dumped in landfills or left on beaches and countrysides to break down.

In 2016, Greenpeace issued the Plastics in Seafood report which showed that microplastics were found in over 170 species of marine creatures in Hong Kong, including commonly consumed seafoods like mullet fish, mussels, and lobsters. Since the plastics are too tiny for us to notice when we’re eating, they seamlessly make their way into our bodies.

In addition, in 2021 SCMP highlighted the widespread problem Hong Kong has with synthetic microfibres (man-made textile fibers like spandex, polyester, and nylon), an invisible pollutant that accounts for 35% of all ocean plastic pollution. This microfibre pollution affects marine life, blocking digestive tracts and decreasing the ability to feed and reproduce in small organisms like plankton.

How to deal with microplastic pollution on a small scale

China recently published an ambitious five-year plan to curb plastic use and Hong Kong is following suit with its updated Climate Action Plan 2050. However, on the individual level, here are three simple and achievable suggestions to help reduce the impact and creation of microplastics.

• Avoid single-use plastic – refuse before reusing!
• Avoid buying personal care products that contain microbeads. Do your own research, because while many companies publicly say they no longer use them and governments around the world have banned them, plastics can still be found in ingredients lists. As a general rule, avoid products containing acrylate copolymer and polypropylene as these common ingredients are, in fact, plastic.
• Get involved with beach clean-ups to help reduce the amount of plastic debris in Hong Kong. Check out local organisations like Take Out Plastic, who are targeting single-use plastics and Hong Kong’s ‘plastic bag culture” to help Hong Kong’s plastic problem.

With a retail career spanning twenty years, Sheryl has worked for some of the biggest brands across Buyers and Sourcing. Her increasing concern about the negative impact of the industry led her to write her debut book, Sustainably Stylish – A guide to curating a guilt-free wardrobe. Sheryl graduated from Hong Kong University with an Executive Certificate in Corporate Social Responsibility and is passionate about making retail and life, in general, more sustainable.

Her everyday musings can be found on Instagram @makemywardrobework or on her website www.makemywardrobework.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Olena Sakhnenko via Canva

There is another factor about perfectionism we haven’t discussed: how when we have a constant need to perfect an activity, we also have the tendency to want to control the corresponding expectations of ‘right’ feelings. This week, the fourth and final edition of ‘Turn Critical To Compassionate’, we will dive into the value of the ‘wrong’ emotions: the negative ones.

Why suppressing negativity doesn’t work

We pursue goals and decisions with the hope that they will lead to success and happiness. At times, when the response to an outcome is disappointment, regret, or even anger, we struggle with these emotions and wish that we didn’t have to experience them. When we interpret our emotional pain as something to be controlled, we create more suffering.

For many, the marker for success in life is not wealth, but happiness. There is no shortage of experts who offer many optimum ways to develop a positive attitude and be happy with ourselves. Studies show how having a positive state of mind also ensures a healthy body.

But here lies the problem: when a negative thought or feeling creeps into our minds, we tend to quickly drown it out with an affirmation, a smile, and a ‘Oh no, I should not be feeling this way,’ statement. When we repeat ‘I am courageous and confident,’ it doesn’t necessarily alleviate the feelings of fear and anxiety. Research shows that repeating positive self-statements may benefit some people, but can have a detrimental effect on those who struggle with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The taboo towards negativity in mindfulness culture

There is an unspoken trend that if we feel sad or disappointed or upset or angry, we have to attack those feelings and turn them around. We are told how we are supposed to feel. Experiencing a negative emotion is considered a weakness. It is almost taboo to reveal that you are harbouring negative feelings because people will judge you, and tell you to change. There’s so much pressure to feel good all the time.

When we avoid the feelings, what we are essentially doing is suppressing the negative, and allowing a bubbling lava of emotions to collect under the surface. This is counterproductive to our mental health.

Negative emotions signal work to be done

Is it okay to experience negative emotions? Absolutely. We cannot fragment parts of our undesirable selves just because they don’t work for us. We are a sum total of all our experiences, including the bad ones. Personal growth often comes from emotional pain. For example, when we feel guilt or regret for being rude to someone, we will learn to behave differently in future. Psychotherapists mention that when emotional pain is pushed away or unresolved, it grows and reveals itself in self-destructive ways.

Feelings come and go, they are ephemeral, they are like the tides. The best way is to observe them, not judge them. Therapists have shared countless studies on our emotions and how they affect us. It is true that it is unhealthy to ruminate and languish in a negative state of mind, however, the range of feelings, pleasant and unpleasant, are a natural part of life too. They teach us how to navigate through life experiences. When we listen to our emotions, we learn a lot about our inner landscape. We cannot just wish emotions away, or proverbially brush them under the carpet. Addressing them is key.

Sometimes emotions make us uncomfortable, and we want to avoid feeling the intensity of them because they hurt deep. We are taught to ‘get over it’ and bounce back to the routine of life. Everyone processes unresolved emotions differently. Everyone on the planet has experienced hurt from certain people or certain situations. At some point in life, you have felt anger, resentment, shame, regret, sadness, despair, or guilt. Some have experienced traumas that linger; many of these emotions are left untreated for years. Facing our emotions is necessary to let go, and to understand ourselves better.

Words have power; use them to identify feelings

All emotions have a purpose. There are moments when we notice the bubbling of them beneath the surface, but feel that words cannot describe those feelings. However, that’s exactly what needs to be done: describe the feelings in words. ‘I am feeling the sensation of terror, it feels like a weight on my chest, my shoulders are heavy…’ This gives you the ability to process them, and slowly as you understand why or what caused the feelings, they lose their grip on you.

Recognising emotional pain helps to release it. How? First, by accepting it exists, and facing it compassionately. No matter how many years pass by, memories can trigger emotions that have been stored, especially the ones that remain unresolved. If we can reframe these memories with compassion and forgiveness, we can look back with a sense of acceptance and allow ourselves to move on. Acceptance with compassion can transform those old feelings into new energy for leading a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If we can accept that life is all about balance, we can embrace the negatives to understand the contrast we experience with the positives.

A practical exercise to address pain

Right now, grab a pen, and write down what you feel internally. For example, choose one word to describe your state of mind. If it is ‘upset,’ what’s making you upset? Is it something someone said? What do you prefer had happened? Don’t be afraid to flow with whatever comes to mind, because the words are a form of clues to help you deal with the issues. Sometimes, just staying in touch with your feelings releases the tension. The next time you experience a feeling you don’t necessarily like, this practice can be a reminder to accept it rather than resist it.

Psychologist and Buddhist Meditation expert, Tara Brach, spoke some profound words about our emotions:

“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.” ― Tara Brach, “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha”

 Read more advice from Shobha Nihalani on self-esteem 

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: axelbueckert via Canva

Step 1: Preparation With Your Regular Vet

• Your pet must have an ISO microchip.
• Annual vaccinations must be up to date.
• Rabies vaccination must be done at least a month before travel.
• Vaccination Record details must be correct (breed, colour etc.).

Step 2: Special Destination Documentation Requirements

• Health Certificate: Most countries require an Animal Health Certificate completed by a vet and endorsed by the Hong Kong government. This is done about a week before you travel. See Steps 5 and 6.
• Import Permit: Some countries require an Import Permit. Google to find the website of your destination country and communicate directly with them for the application process. For example, we took our cat to Thailand that requires an Import Permit, and we applied for this by email using a form, pet photo, vaccine record, owner’s passport, and flight itinerary. The permit was free and valid for 60 days.
• Rabies Titre Test Certificate: Hong Kong is not a high-risk country for rabies, so you may not need a rabies antibody (titre) test certificate. But check your destination requirements (Australia and Taiwan are very strict). To do the titre test in Hong Kong, it can cost HK$5,000 and takes 2-3 months because they send the blood sample to an approved lab in the UK. It should be done months before travel depending on the destination. But it’s almost certainly not needed for many journeys departing Hong Kong to most of Asia or Europe or further.

Step 3: Visit Victory Avenue in Mongkok

• Buy plastic pet crate for about HK$250. There’s no such thing as an “approved” IATA Travel Crate. Just plastic crates that meet the airline requirements. Some malicious agents can charge ten times the price for a crate compared to Victory Avenue pet shops.

Step 4: Reservation with Airline

• Check for animal quota with airline for your chosen flight (we did this with Cathay on FaceBook Messenger).
• Book the flight and submit the request for quota directly with the airline reservation office.

Step 5: Health Certificate From Your Vet

• Make an appointment with a vet that offers health certificates, 7 days before your flight in the morning. In theory any vet can do this certificate. In practice, you have to shop around for one that will do it without an agent.
• The vet will give flea and worm treatment, check the vaccination records, and complete the Health Certificate with a stamp.

If your vet refuses to do this without an agent then they are taking advantage of you.

Step 6: Health Certificate Endorsement

• Take your Health Certificate to Agriculture & Fisheries Dept in Sham Shui Po (303 Cheung Sha Wan Road – +852 2708 8885).
• Pay HK$300 for Gov’t Endorsement stamp and collect Health Certificate 1-2 days later.

You are now ready to check in and fly with your pet and have saved between HK$8,000 and HK$10,000.

Richard has been living in Hong Kong and Shenzhen for four years. He usually travels with his fox Basil Brush but fell in love with a tiny kitten off Sha Tin’s streets in May 2020, and she became part of the family.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: nadisja via Canva

But very often, we start to overthink many of the available options, leading us into a loop of analysing all the ‘what if’ scenarios. We have many expectations of ourselves and we avoid taking action until we are clear on what we want to do. Indeed, we become perfectionists obsessed with the expected outcome.

What is perfectionism?

We live in a culture that expects us to be able to constantly do more with less time. We are almost encouraged to set unrealistic goals and expectations for ourselves. We want to be, look, and achieve the best. This leads to perfectionism, which is a mindset that we are defined by our ability to achieve near impossible goals.

In her book Better Than Perfect, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist, shares that not all aspects of perfectionism are bad. In fact, striving to be better, or pursuing a goal to develop ourselves is an important trait to be successful. But with perfectionism, she is quoted as saying ‘It’s either perfect or it’s a failure and if it’s a failure, then I’m a failure.’ Perfectionists have a black and white attitude towards any activity.

Perfectionism works against us

Many people want things to be perfect because they’re in a mindset of caring what other people will think of them. They feel there will be negative judgement if something isn’t up to a certain standard. This kind of expectation leads to an internal struggle. The constant pressure to be perfect is debilitating. Obsessing over details is draining and tedious, and it doesn’t help us accomplish much.

There are varying degrees of perfectionism. When being perfect is the top priority, there is often an inclination called self-handicapping, where a perfectionist may withdraw efforts needed for a goal. The idea is that the person may feel that there is a greater threat if one tries and fails than if one does not try.

The analysis paralysis mindset

Barry Schwartz, a psychologist, had a theory called the paradox of choice. In essence, he believed that a large assortment of choices leads to greater feelings of anxiety and indecision, dissatisfaction and paralysis. People are not able to make up their minds without overthinking things. The pressure to weigh every outcome results in analysis paralysis.

In every aspect of life, whether it is career, relationships, or even investment decisions, there is a tendency to overthink. Every single choice has its positives and negatives. It can be freeing to think about how there is no such thing as a perfect solution. Instead of striving for perfection, we can focus on activities that will bring the best results. When afflicted by this inability to make a decision, it is quite simply analysis paralysis. The paralysis part is overthinking, which means trying to look into a crystal ball to see the future. Trying to extract certainty in an environment of uncertainty. There is a sense of anxiety of ‘what if the decision is wrong.’

That’s why some people don’t take action: because they fear rejection and failure. The fact is that starting something new is going to be difficult, and there is a higher risk of mistakes. Unless that first step is taken, no one will know the possibilities that exist. It is best to jump in the deep end and then calibrate as you go along.

Being okay with making mistakes helps us to get comfortable with the process towards a goal. You learn as you do, not as you think. The point is to associate goals with process. Being outcome-oriented means relying on an uncertain future. Being process-oriented enables you to have control over your emotions, letting you focus on the step-by-step approach towards achieving your goal.

Analysis paralysis is really procrastination, that is putting off the inevitable. By putting it off you are trying to create some kind of ideal set-up that is actually all in the mind. It is not reality.

How to reframe perfectionism

Setting high standards and aiming for excellence can be positive. However, according to research, perfectionism becomes dysfunctional when it is highlighted by a person’s sense of self as permanently flawed or defective.

See mistakes as an opportunity

It’s harder to get things done when we have zero tolerance for mistakes. Rather than seeking perfectionism, imagine recognizing that mistakes are rarely terminal. Imagine accepting that we are bound to have flaws, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. Mistakes offer an opportunity to self-correct and move ahead.

Perfectionists have been around for millennia, but systematic research on perfectionism has increased in recent decades. Perfectionism refers to setting goals that are almost impossible. It becomes stressful when you cannot reach those arbitrary imaginary standards. The anxiety that perfectionism brings with it can get overwhelming.

Embrace fluidity

Rather than demanding we always be at one hundred percent, the best thing we can do is to embrace our fluid nature. There is no use in harshly berating ourselves for falling short of a target. Mistakes and failures are part of the learning process.

The willingness to try new things enables you to learn, adjust, and change. Eventually you start to improve. When you are in a perfectionist frame of mind, it becomes hard to even make that first move towards a goal. It becomes overthinking or obsessing and then a decision is never made.

There’s a quote that is relevant here: “If fear of failure is the mother of procrastination, then perfectionism is the father.”

Avoid projecting into the future

Eckart Tolle, a visionary and spiritual teacher, in his book The Power of Now says that you must think of overanalysis as an addiction. This is, in fact, true when you notice the similarity between the two. An addiction is a repetitive process that you can’t seem to stop that can have detrimental effects on your life. Analysis paralysis really fits that description. That’s why Tolle recommends controlled thinking, which is trying to stay in the present moment, and to avoid projecting out into the future which is beyond our capacity to control.

In short, to break the cycle of analysis paralysis and the perfectionist mindset:

• Create a deadline on making a decision.
• Take action. Doing something is better than doing nothing.
• Focus more on the journey, less on the goal.

 Read more advice from Shobha Nihalani on self-esteem 

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Agus Prianto via Unsplash

When you interact with others, you perceive yourself in a certain way, sometimes undermining your self-worth. To better understand this, ask yourself these three questions.

• Do you regularly put other’s needs ahead of yours?
• Do you let others make decisions for you?
• Does external validation motivate you to do more?

If you answered ‘yes’ to two or more of these prompts, then it indicates that you are afraid of what people think of you or worry obsessively that they will not like you. You fear external disapproval, which leads you to bend backwards to comply to other’s needs.

What is self-worth?

You have heard a lot of ‘self’ words, and they all relate to a particular aspect of how we think, feel, and behave towards ourselves. Each of these words – esteem, confidence, respect, love, care, compassion – become uniquely related when ‘self’ is added as a prefix. Cultivating all of these self-related phrases helps us get a better sense of who we are and what we want from our lives. In other words, having an understanding of our own value.

According to psychologist Martin Covington’s self-worth theory, our self-worth is determined by how we perceive our abilities and performance in different areas of our lives, and relates to how valuable we feel. For example, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, if we are not happy with what we see in terms of weight, clothes, or the kind of attention we receive, then we tend to devalue ourselves. Similarly, how you relate to your career, social circle, and even your school grades, all tie in with how worthy you feel.

The fact is that you are the only one who decides how valuable you are. No one else decides this. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

Signs of low self-worth

Low self-worth is a belief, and when we believe that we carry no value, it makes us feel small and insignificant. According to therapists, low self-worth stems from unresolved past experiences and emotions. It becomes a behavior pattern when it becomes habitual. Some signs of low self-worth are:

1. Changing yourself for others
2. Seeking verbal approval constantly
3. Diminishing your own needs
4. Letting others take advantage of you
5. Being afraid to be yourself
6. Lack of desire to do self-love practices

We often tie our self-worth to our jobs or relationships. Very often, if our boss or partner is displeased, we strive harder to make them happy. This goes on day after day, and eventually our personal worth is tied to the happiness of the boss or a partner. The need for praise, validation, and approval triggers the people-pleaser to do more and more.

The problem with people-pleasing is that the response received defines the pleaser’s self-worth. Someone else is in control of how people-pleasers feel about themselves. And how they feel about themselves is that everyone else is better than them.

What is people-pleasing?

People-pleasing, which typically involves not asserting yourself, is hard to define. No doubt, the desire to make someone else happy is a positive quality; thinking about other people’s needs is altruistic. Having a charitable nature can be great, but there needs to be a balance. People-pleasers tend to go all out to be helpful to others, in many cases, while sacrificing their time and energy.

Why do we people-please?

Very often, we say ‘yes’ because we respect other’s seniority or simply don’t want to upset them. Saying ‘no’ or setting boundaries in a professional, or even personal, context can prove to be difficult for some. It may be motivated by a desire to impress others or by the fear of being negatively judged.

Researchers have found that fear of rejection or abandonment is the most likely driving force of people-pleasers. No matter what the reason, this behaviour pattern is all tied up with self-worth. Other people’s needs take precedence, and we forgo our own.

How does people-pleasing affect us?

This becomes the dynamic of the people-pleaser’s life. Every aspect of their joy and sadness revolves around another person. This can mean choosing to accept the role of a victim. Failing to set personal boundaries results in feelings of guilt when saying ‘no’, being burdened by endless to-do lists, or being constantly alert about what others think. It is difficult to stop being a people-pleaser when you have been doing it for years. There is a way to bring about change and that starts with valuing yourself.

Boundaries build self-value

Before you set boundaries, it is necessary to take ownership of your worth. This revolves around how you see, feel, and think about yourself and your abilities. Then set boundaries to honour your own values and priorities. Just like walls are built to ensure that no one infiltrates your personal space, similarly the demands of others need not interfere with your self-worth.

If you are uncomfortable or feel forced to do something you don’t want to do, simply say ‘no’. It’s possible to say ‘no’ firmly and with grace simultaneously. This will seem difficult at first, and you will feel a sense of guilt. Ride through it. When you see the benefits, you will notice an inner sense of satisfaction that starts to build around the statement, ‘I don’t need to be so nice all the time.’ Or ask yourself, ‘Am I behaving like a doormat?’ If yes, then you know you’re on the right track by refusing to do something you don’t want to.

There are times when you feel compelled to say ‘yes’ and that’s fine. Just ensure you strike a balance that includes respecting your needs. Make some me-time for yourself to reset and reflect on your values and beliefs.

Sometimes we are not sure how to respond to an ask. In such a situation, observe how you feel emotionally and physically when you are thinking of saying yes to someone. Checking in on your physiology will indicate what you need to do. Your feelings are a guide to what is important to you at that point in time. Having boundaries also means having the choice to say yes or no. Remember, when you say ‘no’ to others, you are saying ‘yes’ to yourself.

The work of asserting your self-worth

Awareness starts with recognising our value. As much as we want to put other people’s feelings, time, and money above ourselves because it feels safer, we need to assert the worth of our own existence. We are responsible for respecting our own dreams and goals.

It is important to find what makes us distinctive, what sets us apart, and to embrace our unique qualities as our guiding star. We need to be fearless in order to bring our true self out into the world. Being true to oneself will invite respect from others.

When we are resilient to value ourselves, we can plan our future as we see fit, free to write the story of our own lives. We will not expect anyone else to take care of our needs. We can choose to shift self-deprecating behaviours in the direction of self-development. The accumulated experiences of valuing our needs will lead to courage that helps us achieve our greatest potential without being burdened by external validation.

Many people spend their whole lives hungering for approval. As a result, they end up neglecting the opinion that matters the most: their opinion of themselves. 

“Never let others define who you are because most are still trying to figure out who they are.” — Rodney Walker

 Read more advice from Shobha Nihalani on self-esteem 

Shobha Nihalani is a multi-genre author, ghost-writer, and mindset coach. She has been writing for over 25 years. Her recent book on self-esteem – Reboot, Reflect, Revive: Self-Esteem in a Selfie World – has become popular and is recognised for raising awareness on self-esteem.

Shobha believes that the way we communicate with ourselves, and others, has the power to impact our lives. Her expertise as a writing consultant and writer’s coach has given her the opportunity to guide people to acknowledge their own amazing potential to be unique, creative, and resilient in achieving their goals.

Learn more about Shobha Nihalani at www.shobhanihalani.com or contact her at shobhanovels@gmail.com.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this publication are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the views of The HK HUB.

Header image credits: Isaiah Rustad via Unsplash